Yet Another Year

I probably should have posted this a week or two back, but didn't get around to do it. Regardless, here it is, a faithful port from my Facebook note. :D

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When the end of a year rolls around, it's pretty amazing and scary at the same time. An assortment of thoughts will no doubt flood through the tiny little human head, thinking of what had been done the past year, what was missed and of course what could have been. Then the new year resolutions will start to formulate themselves, and the requisite plegdes to honor those resolutions will also begin their shaky, twisting journey through the year.

This note will be one such resolution: to pen down what I have accomplished at the end of each year.

Thinking back, 2011 was really a roller coaster ride of varied emotions. Life itself wasn't particularly tough nor harrowing, in fact, it was pretty gracious in that it opened and reopened several new outlets to my sphere of existence (more on that in a bit). It was the mental exercise that has always plagued my logic circuitry, the tendency to overthink a matter to the point of self-absorption relative to its impact on my immediate or even delayed environment. Then again, it is this thinking process that governs my being, and has long been a crucial and even vital element that defines my person, however flawed it may be.

2011 was the year that I completed all course requirements for my degree programme, which means that I have sort of graduated from the tertiary journey I began almost 1.5 years ago. The fact that I managed to maintain decent grades while juggling both a full-time job and evening classes gave me a little boost in the confidence department, which has been losing staff in recent times.

This particular job I took during my entire degree stint also broke a personal record: the longest period of being a full-time staff at a single company. Throughout the 13 months at NYP, I learned a great deal about it's sector of business, the way our education system operates and of course the perks and hazards of the working world. While not exactly a permanent staff of the institution, I was still exposed to a lion's share of office politics and shenanigans, which forced me to learn on the job and take the necessary action. In short, working made me "deal with it", my most-used and most-parodied mantra yet.

NYP also expanded my social sphere, blessing me with a bunch of younger kids who are a blast to be with. Working with them made the dreadful time pass faster, and although we had our differences in opinion and character, we managed to sort things out and come out of our disagreements maintaining the status quo, or even with an improvement to the current relations. I wish for all of them to be happy and cheerful, and please remember this uncle with whom you worked with for the better part of 2011.

Even if I like writing, it didn't occur to me that the things I say would be important or even noticeable enough to be put on the national press. Let's face it, Singapore is too small a country to differentiate our media by regions or towns: every form of traditional media here in our tiny island is national press. I wrote in to Today four times in 2011, and each letter was published in either the online format or print format. The very first article I wrote in made the "headline letter" section in the edition of Today it was published in, and it sure made me feel glad. Apart from Today, one of my letters was also sent to The Straits Times, who phoned me and said that my letter was being considered for publication. Even if it did not make it into the eventual edition of the newspaper, being considered was good enough - it is like being nominated for an Oscar award, your merit has been recognised by some higher deciding power.

2011 also showed me the reality of the world: the SCAPE fiasco brought some cold hard truths to bear. There really exists people in the world who would just leave a commitment behind and expect it to be better three months later. Even if no tangible reward is available to those directly involved in the project, at least afford us some god-damned gratitude: we don't slog our lives away after our daytime commitments to be given reprimand - if I'd wanted that kind of treatment I would have signed on with the army. The only silver lining in this dark cloud were the true friends who rose through the darkness and pulled through together, while disregarding several undeserving imbeciles unworthy of my attention and respect. In all, 2011 both forged and destroyed friendships, for all reasons on the spectrum.

If there is to be a defining event in 2011 that overshadows all others, it will be my month-long trip to the United States of America. By itself, the event shattered a number of records: destroying my slight fear of flying, demolishing my fear of traveling, eradicating my fear of living together with people apart from my family and close friends, obliterating my fear of life in the USA and of course removing my fear of not adapting to a different environment. The trip also marked my first forary out of our sandy shores in probably a decade, and is also the longest period of time I have stayed alone overseas.

The trip proved to be a fruitful one, exposing my senses to a non-Singaporean environment and really being an absolute eye-opener. Halfway throughout the trip I felt like the proverbial frog in the well, narrowed educated but slowly creeping out of my comfort zone to learn more. Living alone abroad posed a significant number of challenges, but I made it through without dire eventualities or causes of concern, so that is an absolute plus.

Snapping photographs during my journey in the USA also opened my doors to the beautiful world of digital photography. A camera's ability to capture a that specific sequence, to crystalise that Moment, is really a remarkable invention. To me, photographs serve as, well, photographic evidence and hence memories of whoever and wherever I had the chance to snap pictures of, and memories are things I truly treasure.

On the social front, I seem to still have slight problems conversing with members of the opposite gender. Perhaps the stigma from the previous downfall is still making its latent presence felt, perhaps some innate barrier or protective device is in place to safeguard me from another devastating Fall. Or maybe I am just not ready, despite my insistent statements otherwise. Regardless, better my own heart shattered than anyone else's, they don't have to pay for my own emotional transgressions.

There, I think that should just about cover it. I haven't accomplished much in terms of hard skills, but my softer skills have seen a drastic tempering from work, school and everything else in between.Yes, I still have some ways to go in almost every asepct, but there's no rushing it, these things take time to cement.

In the meantime, I'll deal with it. :)

Happy 2012 everyone, may your paths through this year be paved with polished ivory and bright lit with efficient lamps. :D