In but a while, 2009 will arrive at our doorsteps. A brand new year, a brand new experience, a brand new chapter in our existence. Personally, I'm looking forward to it, as it will definitely bring in happier memories as compared to 2008.
After all that had transpired within the past year, I've learnt a great deal, and slowly - but surely - proceeding on the path to adulthood. It has been a grief-stricken, heart-breaking, mentally-torturing, emotionally-taxing and potently depressing six months, beginning from the month of June to the start of October. I believe a little update is in order.
Let's begin.
It's funny how two distinctly different people can get together, and last for about 16 months. In hindsight, we were really two drastically opposite individuals, whether it is viewpoints or personal issues. Similarities uncovered during the honeymoon period were seriously, a load of crap - they were mostly conveniently manipulated to cement the cracks in the shaky foundation. I've been kidding myself all this while: I thought I was ready, but everyone knows how that turned out; I thought being nice was enough, now I know what a close friend meant when she said I was always being too nice to the people around me; I figured that if I could just keep giving, why not? That equilibrium had been shattered about a year into the abyss.
It takes two hands to clap, and I admit the hand belonging to me lost strength nearing the end of the dark journey, but also partly due to the actions of the other hand. What with the permanently pissed-off face, extreme clinginess and utterly negative responses toward any action I take to rectify the situation. The day my heart stood still and shattered was when my handmade card was received with merely a shrug. In the history of my life, I have never made a single card for anyone else apart from my parents, and it was only a passing fad. Always asking for the things which may not happen, constantly implying me to change, driving me to near depression, COMPARISONS; I had enough.
In retrospect, fissures appeared early into the relationship, yet I simply made use of my so-called legendary tolerance and endurance to brace it through, and to what end? Thinking back, I think the reason why I struggled to make it work was because I was in love with the feeling of loving someone. However for me, the equation wasn't balanced, never has been, never will be.
Alas, all things come to an end someday. For me, this is a learning journey, a roller-coaster insight into the dreamy realm of love. Someday, somewhere, somehow, there will be a perfect girl for me, and I will make her the luckiest and happiest girl on Earth.
That pretty much sums up the incident, I have long moved on, which is more than what I can say for someone else. If you're reading this, please carry on with your life, there is no point pending for something which will never happen again. Frankly, I'm afraid. The mere thought of going back to the old days sends shivers down my spine, a recurring nightmare. I am very happy with my life now: NS has made me fitter, and I now have more time to spend with my friends, especially with that daughter of mine, my schoolmate with an exotic name and of course my little mei mei. Not to mention all my secondary school friends which I have previously forsaken, what a foolish act. Oh, and I'm actually saving money now, even after purchasing Gundam models regularly.
I will not delete the past entries of that relationship from this blog, as I want to read them at my leisure and laugh at my own foolishness, and as a reminder to never again walk that same, dark path.
Thus ends my journey into the unknown, a journey best kept in the deepest sectors of my internal memory banks.
The wounds are there, but they will heal in time.
Cheers. :)
After all that had transpired within the past year, I've learnt a great deal, and slowly - but surely - proceeding on the path to adulthood. It has been a grief-stricken, heart-breaking, mentally-torturing, emotionally-taxing and potently depressing six months, beginning from the month of June to the start of October. I believe a little update is in order.
Let's begin.
It's funny how two distinctly different people can get together, and last for about 16 months. In hindsight, we were really two drastically opposite individuals, whether it is viewpoints or personal issues. Similarities uncovered during the honeymoon period were seriously, a load of crap - they were mostly conveniently manipulated to cement the cracks in the shaky foundation. I've been kidding myself all this while: I thought I was ready, but everyone knows how that turned out; I thought being nice was enough, now I know what a close friend meant when she said I was always being too nice to the people around me; I figured that if I could just keep giving, why not? That equilibrium had been shattered about a year into the abyss.
It takes two hands to clap, and I admit the hand belonging to me lost strength nearing the end of the dark journey, but also partly due to the actions of the other hand. What with the permanently pissed-off face, extreme clinginess and utterly negative responses toward any action I take to rectify the situation. The day my heart stood still and shattered was when my handmade card was received with merely a shrug. In the history of my life, I have never made a single card for anyone else apart from my parents, and it was only a passing fad. Always asking for the things which may not happen, constantly implying me to change, driving me to near depression, COMPARISONS; I had enough.
In retrospect, fissures appeared early into the relationship, yet I simply made use of my so-called legendary tolerance and endurance to brace it through, and to what end? Thinking back, I think the reason why I struggled to make it work was because I was in love with the feeling of loving someone. However for me, the equation wasn't balanced, never has been, never will be.
Alas, all things come to an end someday. For me, this is a learning journey, a roller-coaster insight into the dreamy realm of love. Someday, somewhere, somehow, there will be a perfect girl for me, and I will make her the luckiest and happiest girl on Earth.
That pretty much sums up the incident, I have long moved on, which is more than what I can say for someone else. If you're reading this, please carry on with your life, there is no point pending for something which will never happen again. Frankly, I'm afraid. The mere thought of going back to the old days sends shivers down my spine, a recurring nightmare. I am very happy with my life now: NS has made me fitter, and I now have more time to spend with my friends, especially with that daughter of mine, my schoolmate with an exotic name and of course my little mei mei. Not to mention all my secondary school friends which I have previously forsaken, what a foolish act. Oh, and I'm actually saving money now, even after purchasing Gundam models regularly.
I will not delete the past entries of that relationship from this blog, as I want to read them at my leisure and laugh at my own foolishness, and as a reminder to never again walk that same, dark path.
Thus ends my journey into the unknown, a journey best kept in the deepest sectors of my internal memory banks.
The wounds are there, but they will heal in time.
Cheers. :)
