The Struggle

A few months into any relationship, the girl would inevitably tell the guy, "Don't lie to me". The guy would - in the budding dizzying throes of romantic passion - say to the girl, "I promise".

That is the first time a guy will lie to his girl.

If this sounds familiar, it is because I came across this particular exchange on a video clip viewed online, albeit in an entirely converse context and setting. Russell Peters may have meant it as a joke, poking fun at the generalities of male and female, but the sad truth remains: promises are made to be broken.

How many times have you heard your friend complaining about the late-night exploits of her boyfriend with her exclusion, the seeming lack of attention stemming from prolonged proximity or the sudden and drastic drop in interest towards maintaining the relationship? It is difficult getting along with another human being of the same gender, much less another homosapien from the opposite gender. Being diversely different polarities, most guys cannot understand how the typical girl thinks, and vice versa. It takes time to forge a solid relationship based on trust and mutual assurance, and if done correctly with the utmost care and patience, that relationship will be long-lasting and fiduciary.

The union of two is a noble, wonderful thing, yet many guys (sadly) take the opposite gender for granted. To our credit, there are girls who do the same thing, but the trend is still against the more masculine (somewhat) gender. Many times have I seen girls being dumped by their guys, some shortly into the new relationship, others destroyed after surrendering years of their time, youth and innocence. At times, I question them: are those guys worth your effort, your trouble to please? Hesitation will precede either outright disagreement or eventual consensus.

Such is the paradox of the concept of Love.

I've heard my daughter cry for the second time in two weeks.

My other friend's on-off relationship with her guy bristles the hair on my back.

Idiots pestering a perplexed Sister of mine, while the apple of her eye continues to evade her.

Such is the Struggle.

I do not mind being alone, but my heart says 'No'.

Such is the torment of existence.

Jerks

Seriously, why can't people just leave each other alone?

Why must they comment so much on another person's decisions?

Comment is one thing, inflammatory remarks are whole new incendiary substances all together.

I don't usually get angry or even incensed, heck I rarely even get pissed off, but this is the final straw that broke my overstrained, overburdened and much-abused back. Time and time again, I keep getting exposed to the same insensitive, ultra-egoistic and totally unnecessary remarks which could be kept in your own sorry, black hearts.

Why, is it a MUST to follow set paths to achieve a certain accomplishment? Is it some penultimate, non-verbal social RULE that everyone of us must follow in order to look 'normal'?

What incredulous nonsensical idiotic ubiquitous gibberish!

Are you still living in the time of the M1 Garand, where everything is state-controlled and society-policed? We are now in the era of the XM8, old ideals are constantly being flushed out, discarded, and replaced by newer, fresher and more revolutionary dogma. Time to move on people, the world is constantly evolving, and I think your cranium matter should do the same, however difficult that task may be for some of you.

Insults, sadly, are part and parcel of life, especially within this stage of a Singaporean boy's life. Over time, some form of immunity or resistance will have built up in response to the daily barrage of expletives and blood-boiling statements hurled your way. As with everything, there is an exception. There will come a time when too much is just too much, and enough is really enough, and all that pent-up anger and angst will erupt and devastate the trigger, the catalyst and everything else in between. Short-fused people will experience this more, and it is not necessarily a bad thing.

Thing is, some jackasses just don't know when to stop. Either they are too dense to notice that their words are causing some form of unseen, deep-seated and delayed-damage psychological hurt on the person or they are simply too ignorant to cease and desist. Perhaps some of them have latent mental retardation, some unknown genetic disease or maybe a combination of both. I would pity these people, but they probably deserved it.

One last thing before I end this angsty post, I don't require validation from lesser beings with regards to my OWN, PERSONAL life choices. They are, for goodness' sake, MY OWN GOD DAMNED LIFE CHOICES. I don't need you people to show me your personal point of view via insulting me for making a "mistake" or ridiculing me for taking the easy way out. Scoldings and blamings and insults coming from a bunch of Neanderthals who just started on the journey I completed a long time ago. Utterly ridiculous. Even my parents don't do this shit, what gives you the right to question my decisions?

YOU sub-humans only see the surface of the situation, the mere tip of the whole iceberg. You have no idea what lay beneath that decision, what factors shaped and moulded it, what sacrifices that had to be made. Going around accusing others based on your own selfish assumptions, and going on and on and on about it for God knows how long, you think its very cool? Well, screw you if you think that way. If you're not tired by the ad nauseum, I, for one, am.

And for goodness' sake, I've already BEEN THERE and DONE THAT, a long time ago, probably when you guys were still screwing up your own sorry lives. I have accomplished what I have set out to do, what I have planned for myself, which is more than I can say for most of you out there.

Silence might mean consent, but silence can also mean burning anger.

Speak to me only after you have accomplished what I have.

Love is Eternal Torment

Love is a concept whose sole purpose is to endlessly torture human beings.

Thing is, we can't live without it.

The irony.

Situational Report

Okay, so I haven't been blogging lately, or regularly for that matter. However, as I told myself when I created this web log years ago, this website was meant to be an outlet, an avenue for me to publish my literary pursuits. Whether or not they will be read (much less appreciated) is another matter, something which I don't put much thought into. If you want to read it, go ahead and enjoy, if not, constructively criticize and move on. Simple.

So I'm almost into my first year of serving dear old Singapore, and things are more or less stabilised. Like an old couple, I'm just waiting for my time to be up before I transcend into a new realm of learning and forging new relationships with the many faces out there. Honestly, I can't wait, but reality decrees that I'm having a much better life as before. Well, that's partly true, I get paid along with free physical training.

Recently, I caught the Nana craze, obtaining every bit of media related to the titular characters. For the uninitiated, Nana is a hit Japanese franchise which started off as a manga, later spawning two live-action feature length films and a full-bodied anime series in addition to an armada of according paraphernalia. What makes this offering so attractive has got to be the main protagonists, both named Nana. Their requisite trials and tribulations as they strive to fulfill their dreams are the focus of the story's plot, and the numerous ups-and-downs along with unexpected plot twists took my emotions for a wild roller-coaster ride when I watched the first film.

Unexpectedly, the franchise also rekindled my love for Japanese music, especially songs performed by pretty Japanese singers. There's Yuna Ito, the singer for the splendidly-performed "Endless Story", which had been endlessly looping on my recently-acquired iPod Touch. Then there's dear Ms Olivia Luftkin, a pretty little thing who hails from the West, but surprisingly speaks fluent Japanese, and is the singer for most of the opening and ending theme songs from the Nana anime. Though not a singer, Aoi Miyazaki had me enthralled with her cutish features, her innocent demeanor and excellent portrayal of the loveless Hachi, or younger Nana. Mika Nakashima as the older Nana is spot-on, both appearance and attitude-wise. It's as though she was meant to play that character.

On a side note, one of the more recent Gundam 00 Season 2 episodes featured a change in the opening theme song. No more "Fleeting and Everlasting Sorrow" from emo-boyband UVERworld, the new theme was written and performed by a newcomer on the block: all-girl trio Stereopony. Initially, I dismissed their song - a rockish ballad named "Across the Tears" - and prefered the old boys instead. But as time wore on and I listened to it more, I grew to like it, and after researching on the band (refer to my criteria for Japanese music) they became a regular on my playlists. Three 20-year old girls could come up with bloody good music; to me, their songs are the perfect examples of emo-rock. Listen to "A Single Petal" and read the lyrics, its bound to make your heart ache. Interestingly, Yuna Ito from the abovementioned Nana franchise performs the 2nd ending theme song of Gundam 00 Season 2, the beautifully-crafted "Trust You".

Speaking of Gundam, my collection currently stands at 61 models, across all grades and scales, give or take. My storage facilities are running out, again.

There are times when I feel a little lonely, but that's something I can deal with. I've always been somewhat a loner, preferring my company over anyone else's. However, much as my mind doesn't want to admit it, my subconscious screams out for the one person who can complete my mortal soul, someone who truly understands, appreciates and loves me wholeheartedly for the person I am. I made a decision: no more pretenses, no more relentless giving in without expecting anything in return - it won't work. I know she will come eventually, sooner or later, and though later would be more preferred (national liability wrecks relationships - its proven), a part of me secretly wishes it to be sooner.

That aside, the one thing occupying my time right now is this little secret ambition I have: Project Rainbow. A collaboration between myself and that sissa of mine, I have great plans for this series of novels. Combining sci-fi with fantasy and a host of other genres, I really hope it will be as good as the likes of Harry Potter, The Dark Tower series or even Twilight. This is one of my long term goals, that is, to at least publish one book before I bid this world farewell. My fingers are crossed, but I'll continue to work hard to make this dream a reality.

That's it from me this time, check back another time for another rare post. Take care!