Secret
Stanza Three – Secret Ambition
Am I in Heaven?
Dear God, are you playing a trick on me?
Is this some supernatural tribulation I’m supposed to transcend to escape my sad lot?
Or is this a cruel joke cast upon me, an attempt to destroy the very fiber of my being?
Am I even awake?
Is this a dream?
But this feels so real!
His words, his touch, his warm embrace, his…sweet…sweet lips.
He sure lives up to his reputation.
But I still can’t believe it!
All this while I’ve only dared to dream of this remote possibility, much less entertain it.
It has always been a private affair, a forlorn reverie, my personal realm of delusion…
My secret ambition.
All my dreams have finally come to fruition, I’m glad…really, really…glad.
But no, we can’t be together…we can never be together.
Not with that secret…no…this can never be…it will never be…
But I want it to be like this forever!
I knew it!
This is a joke cast upon me!
Why is it always like that!
WHY!
***
Why have you evaded me till now, my little girl?
Where have you been all this while?
Although we’ve just made contact, I feel like I’ve known you for many, many years.
Okay, maybe she has been around me for the past three months, peeping at me from behind pillars and walls.
But this awesome feeling, it’s like she’s an extension of my body, the other half to complete my mortal shell.
She is The One.
But Joyce…what about her?
She has been by my side almost everyday for the past nine months, trying her best to fulfill my every desire.
And, given what has transcended last month…I guess I really do owe her something.
Can I really bring myself to do it?
But this girl in my arms right now, the feeling is just so right.
I feel like if I let go, she will disappear away into the sky, like a balloon after being pricked by a pin.
I know something for sure: I don’t want to lose her.
But I don’t want to destroy Joyce’s heart as well.
What am I to do…
***
Why is it always like this?
Why must I fly this high, only to fall so much harder…
Why am I always given false hope, drawn into phony senses of security?
Why, why, WHY?
I’m so sick of this…so tired…I feel like my breath is escaping from my lu-
Oh no.
Not now…please not at this time!
Oh god no, no, no, no, NO!
...
***
“Hey what’s wrong?! Hey! Hey!”
***
Man, that was scary.
How can someone just faint like that all of a sudden?
Did I do something wrong?
Was I pressing on her nerve or something?
I don’t think so.
So strange…
Oh the doctor’s out.
***
“Doctor! How is she?”
“She has just suffered a spontaneous attack from her pulmonary embolism condition. Luckily for her, it isn’t fatal. But I can’t guarantee she will be this lucky the next time.”
“Pulmonary embolism?”
“Basically, her pulmonary arteries, which carry blood to and fro her heart, are blocked by blood clots. She has to be careful of her own feelings and emotions, as certain things, activities or even words can have an adverse effect on her condition. She’s way too young to be going through all this…”
“…Thank you doctor, for everything.”
“It’s my job, just make sure you take care of her, young man.”
***
Pulmonary embolism?
Blocked arteries?
She’s too young to be put through this hell!
She must be taking pills day in and out, being subject to all sorts of treatments and taking every test medical science has to offer.
She’s still so young!
This is so sad!
Why must heaven play such sport on such an innocent young thing?
The world is a cruel place, and she has to go through it all alone and with her illness.
...
That does it.
I will take care of her for the rest of my life.
Someone as beautiful as her doesn’t deserve to live her painful life on her own.
I’m here for you my baby girl, I’m here for you now.
You have nothing to worry about.
...
I need some fresh air.
Hospital walls will always be this claustrophobic, no matter how flowery the wallpaper is.
Click.
***
Click.
Well, well, well.
Look what Fate has done dear Mizuki.
Steal my Rickson will you?
Ha! Heaven is fair!
Look at you now, lying on that bed, with a tube stuck into your wrist.
How sad, how very sad.
But all the better for me.
Once you are out of the way, Rickson will devote his full, undivided attention to me.
And me alone!
Ever since he started noticing you, the amount of attention he showers upon me has dropped.
And its all because of you!
You of all people! The mysterious transfer student!
Why must you barge into my perfect life!
I cannot allow it, I will not allow it.
History must never repeat itself.
…
Your IV tube…wonder what will happen if a silt accidentally appears on it?
Well for one you would forget all the pain you’re in right now, and fade away like a passing cloud.
I know its cruel, but you leave me with no choice.
What’s this?
A file?
Must be your records.
Enjoy these final moments Mizuki, I’m giving you the luxury before I end your tragic life.
Let’s see what’s ailing your petite little body.
…
What?
No, this can’t be.
Oh my god.
No, this…must be a mistake…
No it can’t be!
Oh my god.
No there’s no mistake…this name…
Oh my god.
Stanza Three ---------- End
Dear God, are you playing a trick on me?
Is this some supernatural tribulation I’m supposed to transcend to escape my sad lot?
Or is this a cruel joke cast upon me, an attempt to destroy the very fiber of my being?
Am I even awake?
Is this a dream?
But this feels so real!
His words, his touch, his warm embrace, his…sweet…sweet lips.
He sure lives up to his reputation.
But I still can’t believe it!
All this while I’ve only dared to dream of this remote possibility, much less entertain it.
It has always been a private affair, a forlorn reverie, my personal realm of delusion…
My secret ambition.
All my dreams have finally come to fruition, I’m glad…really, really…glad.
...
But no, we can’t be together…we can never be together.
Not with that secret…no…this can never be…it will never be…
But I want it to be like this forever!
I knew it!
This is a joke cast upon me!
Why is it always like that!
WHY!
***
Why have you evaded me till now, my little girl?
Where have you been all this while?
Although we’ve just made contact, I feel like I’ve known you for many, many years.
Okay, maybe she has been around me for the past three months, peeping at me from behind pillars and walls.
But this awesome feeling, it’s like she’s an extension of my body, the other half to complete my mortal shell.
She is The One.
But Joyce…what about her?
She has been by my side almost everyday for the past nine months, trying her best to fulfill my every desire.
And, given what has transcended last month…I guess I really do owe her something.
Can I really bring myself to do it?
But this girl in my arms right now, the feeling is just so right.
I feel like if I let go, she will disappear away into the sky, like a balloon after being pricked by a pin.
I know something for sure: I don’t want to lose her.
But I don’t want to destroy Joyce’s heart as well.
What am I to do…
***
Why is it always like this?
Why must I fly this high, only to fall so much harder…
Why am I always given false hope, drawn into phony senses of security?
Why, why, WHY?
I’m so sick of this…so tired…I feel like my breath is escaping from my lu-
Oh no.
Not now…please not at this time!
Oh god no, no, no, no, NO!
...
***
“Hey what’s wrong?! Hey! Hey!”
***
Man, that was scary.
How can someone just faint like that all of a sudden?
Did I do something wrong?
Was I pressing on her nerve or something?
I don’t think so.
So strange…
Oh the doctor’s out.
***
“Doctor! How is she?”
“She has just suffered a spontaneous attack from her pulmonary embolism condition. Luckily for her, it isn’t fatal. But I can’t guarantee she will be this lucky the next time.”
“Pulmonary embolism?”
“Basically, her pulmonary arteries, which carry blood to and fro her heart, are blocked by blood clots. She has to be careful of her own feelings and emotions, as certain things, activities or even words can have an adverse effect on her condition. She’s way too young to be going through all this…”
“…Thank you doctor, for everything.”
“It’s my job, just make sure you take care of her, young man.”
***
Pulmonary embolism?
Blocked arteries?
She’s too young to be put through this hell!
She must be taking pills day in and out, being subject to all sorts of treatments and taking every test medical science has to offer.
She’s still so young!
This is so sad!
Why must heaven play such sport on such an innocent young thing?
The world is a cruel place, and she has to go through it all alone and with her illness.
...
That does it.
I will take care of her for the rest of my life.
Someone as beautiful as her doesn’t deserve to live her painful life on her own.
I’m here for you my baby girl, I’m here for you now.
You have nothing to worry about.
...
I need some fresh air.
Hospital walls will always be this claustrophobic, no matter how flowery the wallpaper is.
Click.
***
Click.
Well, well, well.
Look what Fate has done dear Mizuki.
Steal my Rickson will you?
Ha! Heaven is fair!
Look at you now, lying on that bed, with a tube stuck into your wrist.
How sad, how very sad.
But all the better for me.
Once you are out of the way, Rickson will devote his full, undivided attention to me.
And me alone!
Ever since he started noticing you, the amount of attention he showers upon me has dropped.
And its all because of you!
You of all people! The mysterious transfer student!
Why must you barge into my perfect life!
I cannot allow it, I will not allow it.
History must never repeat itself.
…
Your IV tube…wonder what will happen if a silt accidentally appears on it?
Well for one you would forget all the pain you’re in right now, and fade away like a passing cloud.
I know its cruel, but you leave me with no choice.
What’s this?
A file?
Must be your records.
Enjoy these final moments Mizuki, I’m giving you the luxury before I end your tragic life.
Let’s see what’s ailing your petite little body.
…
What?
No, this can’t be.
Oh my god.
No, this…must be a mistake…
No it can’t be!
Oh my god.
No there’s no mistake…this name…
Oh my god.
++++
Stanza Three ---------- End
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