So it came to my realisation that my emotional state of mind is inclined to follow a specific pattern, sort of like the acculturation cycle perpetuated by most anthropologists. I find myself digging the same hole, filling it up with the same muck, jumping into the horrible quagmire and ultimately dragging myself back up from the inky grave, only to revisit it again at some other point in time. It is probably a result of the Fatal Attraction Syndrome posited in an earlier post, and I figured that it would be nice (amongst other things) to detail this vicious cycle, maybe then I can do something about it.
The Six Stages of the Psychological-Emotional Condition
Stage 1 - The Status Quo
This is when I feel the most at ease with myself and everything that is going on within my locus of control; I am comfortable with my current status and state of affairs and see no dire need to alter it, although such desires exist on a subconscious level, however sealed away with sheer willpower and absence of an excuse to indulge those excesses.
The Guard is at its strongest.
K-Pop Song descriptive of this Stage: Can't Nobody - 2NE1
Stage 2 - The Climb
This stage usually occurs when someone new appears in my life, or a past character walks back into my life. Coincidentally, this is also most likely when an instance of the Fatal Attraction Syndrome can be documented. As a morally-rigid and systematically-meticulous person, I feel my life start to shake on its foundations, my inhibitions start to release their limiters and I begin to do things outside of my normal purview. At this point in time, my outlook will be a mixture of darkness and sunshine, somewhere in between but never at the extremes.This Stage can be over in a matter of days, or drag on into months if the circumstances are unfavorable.
The Guard is wavering in its faith and duty.
K-Pop Song descriptive of this Stage: I Was Happy - Jo Sungmo
Stage 3 - The Crash
As with all things, what goes up, must come down, and I come down hard almost all the time. All the pent-up emotions, frustrations and feelings just erupt within myself and damage all systems, inflicting massive trauma on almost every fiber of my being. My mental state glazes over, and I find myself thinking of the "Whys", constantly questioning myself, even on matters that do not have any link whatsoever to the issue at hand. In a sense, I question my very existence, but usually leave that question as rhetorical as it is. It is in this Stage that observers will describe me as "emo", and my plentiful emotionally-charged Tweets and FB updates serve to cement their conclusions. Typically, this Stage lasts the longest, and is usually the most psychologically intense.
The Guard is disarmed and weakened, and opportunity exists for whatever it is guarding to slip through.
K-Pop Song descriptive of this Stage: You Wouldn't Answer My Calls - 2AM
Stage 4 - The Rebuild
As mentioned somewhere on this blog before, I sort of rebuild myself into a stronger person with each breakdown, and this happens in the Rebuild (arbitrary). In this Stage, pieces of me lost during the Crash start to return, and I slowly begin to pick myself up from the ruins of a shattered hope and restore myself to functionality. Sometimes it only takes a day, but typically, rebuilding is a lengthy process, and is prone to disruption from a multitude of factors, especially from the Key Aspect (KA).
The Guard repairs his armor and finds his sword, though threats loom in the background.
K-Pop Song descriptive of this Stage: Again & Again - 2PM
Stage 5 - The Slide
This happens all the time, but the magnitude depends entirely on the KA and my attitude towards the KA. I slip a little back into the Crash-days, and wonder if things will be any different had I taken another route. Jealousy worms its treacherous ways into my thinking, and though easily dismissed, still manage to pop out from time to time to reinforce its ubiquitous message. Although it is not as bad as the Crash, it still messes with my psyche, and affects my daily interactions to a certain extent.
The Guard takes a fall, but maintains his footing with his sword.
K-Pop Song descriptive of this Stage: If - Taeyeon
Stage 6 - The Plateau
The final element of the Condition is by every measure the most positive, since it signifies an understanding with myself and a coming-to-terms with everything that has transpired since Stage 1. I usually find myself stronger, but not necessarily more resistant to emotional trepidations.
The Guard is back to its original state, more polished and heavier armored than before.
K-Pop Song descriptive of this Stage: Love Song - Big Bang
The Psychological-Emotional Condition can be summarised with the following chart:
It is at once pretty interesting and also rather saddening to note that I go through this all the time. Sheesh. Maybe now I will do something about it.
Well, we'll see how it goes.
As always, thanks for reading, let me know what you guys think in the Cbox or in the comments section and remember to feed the fish.
Good night.
