Yo peepos.
First of all, I would like to ask all of you not to kill me.I'm sorry for the utter lack of updates, but really, I didn't feel like writing.
That said, its time now for a major update, yes yes its about that.
Its July 12, 2007 today, exactly 2 months since I've held my beloved's little hand. Before that has been really an experimental stage, as both of us are unsure of what we want, and what the other person wants or feels. I received her vibes, weakly at first, during the first few months of this year. But those vibes were overshadowed by the calling of my heart for another girl during that time. It was only a temporal infatuation.
This however, is not.
Since March, during our first "date" (note the inverted commas), the vibes started to get real strong, and I found myself being pulled into the quagmire that was her. Is this the fabled love? Or was it just a passing crush, a fad like Beyblade?
It was the former. As we went out more often the feeling started to increase in strength, intensity, frequency. It was at this time that I did something unfair to her: I sneaked in stuff usually reserved for couples during our "dates". Really, if people see us on the streets they will mistake us for a couple. For that I sincerely apologise: sumimasen! Its no wonder the poor girl felt confused and lost, as we were really sitting on the fence, neither here nor there. That phrase was a hot buzzword between us during April - May 2007.
The relationship got strained a couple of times. The first was over MSN. Her deep thinking process started and she began to question the validity and sustainability of our relationship. She was tired of loitering, she wanted to be somewhere, either HERE or THERE. As my mum puts it, women want results. The hint was pretty obvious then, but I still withheld myself, as 19 years of singlehood made me think of the worst-case scenario of advancing further rather than the good side(s) of it. Money was one thing, my parents were another. But my worries are for naught, as I'll explain later in this post.
So after that nasty episode which fell on a Thursday, I felt tremendously sucky the next day. I don't know why. My stomach was churning over and over and over and it felt like it was dissolving itself. That is when I mustered up enough courage to approach her on MSN, something unprecendented in the history of James (insert Applause). We thrashed things out and came to a temporary but viable solution courtesy of me: let nature run its course and give each other more time.
And yes indeed, it was but a temporary solution to a much long term problem.
I shall cut to the chase. The date was 10th May, 2007. We were supposed to go watch Spiderman 3 at VivoCity. For the first time in the relationship I was late (boohoo), and she waited an hour for me. However, she didn't complain much, and still gave me her signature smile. She was decked in this absolutely cute one piece garment, with a matching bag (which I had to carry in exchange for courier service of my sweater) and (gasp!) 3-inch heels! Its not everyday that a girl could come up to around my nose level, I mean some girls in my course wear 4-inch heels and I still can't see them if they are directly infront of me. Sorry I'm just being evil.
Anyway, the day went on smoothly at first, the movie was great, her company was great, dinner was great, her company was great, her gift to me was great, her company was great, the walk we had after dinner was great, her company was great. You get the idea. It was at the end of that walk that the reality of the situation sank into her. It hit her like a sledgehammer. Wham! Her mood immediately turned 180 degrees into the negative zone. I tried my best to turn it around, but I failed. My status wasn't appropriate for that at that point in time.
After we parted ways, I felt sick again. The stomach-churning was back, this time more than before. I went online, hoping to catch a glimpse of her, and she was! We conversed and the hint appeared again, this time it was super duper impossible-to-miss obvious. Well, being the passive shy fool that I was I tried popping the question over MSN, but I failed, terribly.
The following days were pure agony. My bodily systems slowed to a crawl, my reflexes dumbed down, and I couldn’t muster that speed that never fails to amaze her. I just can’t function. In school, I tried my darndest to pull myself together and try to suppress the negative feeling. My stomach was practically imploding. To add fuel to fire, my messages were replied with utmost frankness devoid of any emotion, totally different from the situation just a day ago. Come to think of it now, its scary, but I can’t blame her. I acted as if nothing happened and hoped naively that things will go back the way it was before 10th May, 2007.
At night, as I prepared to turn in for the night after receiving a rejection from her. I thought of all the fun times we shared, the random videos, the disturbing of each other at work, the harmless teasing, her smile. Tears rolled down my cheeks. That was when I made my steely resolve.
The next day at work, both of us tried our best to make it seem like nothing has happened. Nobody at our workplace knew of our solo outings, much less the situation that we’re in. However, she felt distant, as if she was deliberately shunning me. After work, at the bus stop, she maintained minimal conversation with me and when her bus came, she did the thing that I was most afraid.
She returned my sock to me.
At that instant, as she boarded the bus, I felt my strength go out with her. She was gone. That statement played back in my head over and over. I sat down on the cold metal seat of the bus stop, and contemplated. Ten minutes later, I reached a decision. I slid up my phone, and found a number.
I hit the call button.
The phone rang for a while, then someone over the other line said “Hello.”
Relief flooded through me. She hasn’t cut me off completely. Yet. There’s still time to turn the situation around.
I fired a wild shot, asking her to wait for me at her place’s park. Well, that shot found its mark, and she agreed. Thrilled, I quickly boarded the bus and sprinted to her place.
There she was, sitting solemnly on a bench, awaiting my arrival, awaiting closure. I spent the next hour talking things through, and trying my absolute best to pop that question, but I just can’t seem to get it out of my mouth. During that time, both of us teared, and it pains me to see her tear. So henceforth, I swore never to make her cry.
Anyway, I was beating about the bush like mad, as she said later, I beat the bush until there wasn’t any bushes left. Practically leveled the entire garden. I can’t help it, I’m just not accustomed to saying such things – that’s what four years in a boy’s school does to you. But in the end, I finally got it out, and got the desired result. I asked if I could hold her hand, she meekly extended it after some thought and I quickly grabbed it. Her soft, delicate and strangely small hand now rested in mine, and has been like that ever since.
That, folks, is how we got together.
The following months were eventful to say the least. The money issue I mentioned previously came up a few times, but I got over it. It’s a guy’s perogative to offer to pay for most things when we go out. But then she’s cute, she offers to pay for certain items from time to time. She wants to be independent she says.
Then there’s the parent’s issue. She told her parents first, and got some rather serious feedback. However, after several visits to her place, most notably first month and for lunch, her parents kinda got to know me better, and I think (keyword: think) that they find me harmless, harmless enough to allow their smallest daughter to continue dating me. I even helped her mom translate a short paragraph of words and came up with letter replies. Into their good books I go!
My parents were easier to handle. They have long suspected something fishy was going on between their son and this girl he’s talking to almost everyday. Why, the last time he talked to someone else over the phone for such a long period of time daily (1~3 hours) was during Secondary 1, and it was his guy classmate. So one fine day my sis asked me if it was true, I didn’t say yes or no, I gave a grey answer. Then she asked if we held hands already. To that, I gave another grey answer, but my sis, being the nosey parker she was, didn’t give in. She pressed me again and again during dinner, until finally I had enough and said, “Have la!” There, cat out of the bag.
Triumphant, she told my dad, who heard every word as he was with us. My dad didn’t say anything much, just said that my mum and him held hands on their second date, and sounded mighty proud while saying that. To think my parents are so liberal. My mom found out about it soon enough, and told me not to take it so seriously, seeing it as my first time. But then I thought, if you wanna do something, do it well, else you’ll regret later. If this relationship is a dream, I so don’t wanna wake up from it. My parents are now more or less in favour of her, after lunch on Sunday. Cheerful, friendly, chatty – that’s how my family described her. My dad told me to “carry on”. I think that’s their way of saying “PASS!”.
Two months have whizzed by in a flash, in retrospect, it really is a perilous journey less travelled.
Indeed.
The times spent with her can never be replaced: unique, special and downright memorable. It always seems that we can't have enough of each other, can't seem to spend enough time with each other.
Yes there's this episode that really threatened to sink this ship - we went out consecutively for 4 days, and at the end of it, both of us felt a sensation of overdose, too much of each other. By reflex, both of us went through our cyclical thinking processes, and it was starkly clear that the relationship could end there and then, before our first month. However, we got through it unscathed, and I think we advanced one step further. A happy ending.
That was pretty much the one major maelstrom in our sea of happiness. Things have been really smooth sailing for the both of us, smooth to the point that it feels like a dream. If I told you guys that we've never EVER quarrelled would you guys believe me? Guess not. Believe what you like fellas, that's the truth. I can argue justification defense.
Now, when I think back, I feel that I've changed a little. I now make noise whenever she doesn't give me her 100% attention, online or otherwise. Not really angry-pissed-incensed kind of noise, just more or less whining, like taxi drivers who complain about the PAP. Before we officially began, I usually tolerated that without question. Maybe the past has caught up with me. Then again, its in me to tolerate people, they say I have a high endurance level. How else would I survive one year plus (insert Shocked Gasp) in the hellish F&B industry? It's difficult for one to change his/her habit that has been with him/her for his life so soon and so suddenly, it's like asking for the sky, or asking for the events of 9-11 to be reversed. I think a little compromise here and there never hurt anyone. Plus, now that I know how she functions, I understand the lapses in her responses better. I'll do my darndest to make sure I don't see her sad or angry face again (scary).
Our first month benchmark was really great. I enjoyed myself tremendously, but made sure she enjoyed herself more than I did. It was the first time I bought a girl flowers and gave a girl gifts, she also gave me one: a really cute stuffed cat that i fancied the moment I saw it. She actually went to get it (touched). Actually, she broke a number of first-time records in my books, but thats another story to be told another time. Although we had to shop for some items she needed, I accepted it unquestioningly: her company was more than enough. That day was also the first time I met her parents. I walked into the house like I was walking in for Radio Heatwave interview. No sweat.
She's gonna start school real soon, and the reality of it is slowly but surely manifesting. Being the active girl girl she is, she has already signed up for at least 2 events that requires a lot of her time. That plus her CIP tutoring, her driving lessons, her school camps, her school workshops, etc. Sometimes I wonder how the heck she manages so many things at the same time but can't multitask. Its one of the many mysteries of the universe.
Oh well, all good things have to end some time. Thing is, its not gonna end for good. Yeah we'll be meeting up lesser, and the duration could be cut shorter, but the important gist of it is that we are still meeting up. Thats enough. For me at least.
Her first camp is underway, glad she dropped me a mesage this morning before she went off (so sweet). I know she's safe, hopefully her gastrointestinal condition doesn't act up again. Yes yes I know what you nosey parkers are thinking, but no, this is a fiduciary relationship, and if something like that will happen, that means there's a major tear in the relationship's fabric. I have every confidence in my girl.
In sum, it has been a really happy journey down this untrodden path with my beloved.
Happy 2nd month.
Love my dear. :D
:D
