Secret - Stanza Five

Secret

Stanza Five – Secret Anguish

Where am I?

Where is this place?

It reeks of familiarity…sterility…

The hospital.

Oh I remember now.

I fainted.

Ow, my head hurts.

My vision’s still foggy, and I can’t hear a thing.

I must have forgotten to take my medicine again.

Sheesh, I’m getting more absentminded by the day.

Is it because of him?

Speaking of which, where did he go?

Did he carry me here?

Or did he leave me behind…

No!

He brought me here!

I’m sure of it.

Ah my vision’s starting to clear…

…

Huh?

Joyce?

What is she doing here!

Why is she on the floor like that?

And are those tears in her eyes?

…

Isn’t that him!

But why does he look so crestfallen…

What’s that in his hands?

I can’t see!

Come on vision, clear faster!

Voices, I can hear voices.

My ears must be clearing.

“…sister!”

What?

Why did Joyce say that?

What has a sister got to do wi-

Oh no.

Is that my medical file he’s reading?

Oh no.

Oh no no no no no no no.

This is not happening.

“Gasp!”

***

What is going on?

What the hell is going on!

Is there anyone who can tell me what is going on?

Why is my father’s name in here?

Why is my father’s name listed as her father?

Does this mean…

No!

It can’t be!

But…

Father’s name: Richard Seras Tan

There’s no mistake.

It is really Dad’s name.

Could it really be…

Ah!

Mom mentioned something about Dad and a brief fling he had before marriage…

Oh my god.

Is Mizuki the result of that mistake of passion?

Answers.

I need answers.

She’s awake.

“Mizuki.

What is the meaning of all this?”

***

Oh no.

He found out.

Oh no.

My secret.

It’s…out.

The secret I’ve been keeping for so long.

He actually found out.

Him.

Of all people.

HIM.

I don’t know what to say.

But I have to say something…

“I…I…”

***

Why is this so?

Why why why!

Ah my head!

It’s hurting!

I need answers!

I need answers NOW!

“I-what?!

Don’t make me ask again!

I’ll make sure you regret not answering the first time.”

***

Oh my goodness.

Why is he so fierce?

So sudden, so swift…

So different from the charming him just a while ago.

It hurts…

My heart hurts from his words…

Like a knife…

My heart’s bleeding.

Again.

…

I knew it.

This was doomed from the start.

The ending was already cast in stone.

I saw the ending.

Yet I foolishly continued to cling on to what little hope I had.

Mizuki, you are the most imprudent girl on this world.

Life is back to its meaningless form.

It has no meaning.

Nothing has.

I’m sick and tired of this…

I want to end…

I want it to all end…

…

I need to get away from this person.

This person who is both the bane, and the light of my life.

What have I done to deserve this?

Oka-san, I’m scared.

I’m really, really scared.

I’ve got to get out of here.

***

What is going through that head of hers?

How can things suddenly spin out of control like that?

Am I on a gameshow?

This is so not cool...

Hey what’s she doing?

Huh!

She yanked out her IV tube!

She’s making a break for the door!

“Hey!”

SLAM.

I gotta go after her!

Click.

Someone’s in the doorway…

Who the hell could it be?

What in the-

“Mr. Lee?”

What the hell is the math teacher doing here?

This thing is going out of proportion by the minute.

I need answers!

“Sir, what are you doing here?”

“My daughter got hospitalized.”

His daughter?

Who?

Oh no.

Could it be…

“I am her foster father.”

++++

Stanza Five ---------- End

Secret - Stanza Four

Secret

Stanza Four – Secret Revelation

I swear, prices are shooting up by the day.

Even canned drinks cost a small meal nowadays!

What gives?

This sucks.

Click.

“Joyce?!”

***

Oh god oh god oh god.

What have I stumbled upon?

No one was meant to see this, not Rickson, and certainly not me…

This is some serious-

Click.

“Joyce?!”

Oh no.

***

What the heck is she doing here?

And what is she doing with that pair of scissors near the IV tube?

“Joyce, what are you doing?”

***

Oh no.

He’s back!

And I’m caught red-handed!

The file!

Must not let him see it!

“Er…I was just in the area and I saw you exit this ward, so I thought of coming in to see who you were visiting.”

He’s so not gonna buy it.

***

Ain’t that convenient?

I bet she has been tailing me the whole time.

That means...

Oh crap.

She must have seen everything.

“Joyce…I can explain…”

***

Explain?

Explain what you moron!

Explain why you chose this sickly girl over someone like me?

You’ll explain alright, you will explain everything.

But not now, not when my heart’s in a million pieces.

“Don’t you say a word. There’s nothing you can say, that would make the pain go away.”

***

Oh no.

My worst fears have come true.

I’ve destroyed her heart.

What have I done?

“Joyce please listen to me!”

***

No I refuse to hear!

“No! I don’t want to hear anymore of your lies! Go away you heartless bastard!”

Oh no!

The file!

***

Now she’s really angry.

Oh boy.

She’s starting her throwing-stuff routine again.

Eh?

This file, its not Joyce’s.

It’s Hers.

Her medical record file.

Ah I knew something was evading me!

I still don’t know her name!

I’m sure this file has it…

“Don’t you dare open that file Rickson! Don't you dare!”

***

Oh no!

He has the file!

Must not let him open it!

“Give it back Rickson! Give me the file!”

***

What?

What is this?

Why is she suddenly so defensive over her love-rival’s file?

This is so unlike her.

What’s in the file?

Oh crap!

“Ouch!”

***

Ha!

I got it back!

Childhood akido lessons weren’t for naught.

Now to get out of here before the file lands in his hands aga-

“Hey Joyce! What’s the matter with you!”

***

The bitch!

That bitch actually tackled me!

What the hell!

It hurts woman!

You’re not going anywhere now!

“Give me the file Joyce, or I’ll really have to take it by force!”

“Do it then you heartless creature! After all I’ve done for you, you repay me with this violence? If you can live with yourself, then do it!”

Ah! This is so maddening!

What exactly is in that file!

I have to see it!

...

Forgive me, Joyce.

“Ow! Ow! Ow!”

***

He really did it!

He forced the file from me!

And it hurts.

Both my arms and my heart.

Rickson…you are a sorry little man.

Is the information within that file more important than me?

Is that girl lying on that bed more important than me?

...

The answer's blatantly obvious.

***

I got it!

Now to see what Joyce has been trying to hide from me, and of course, to finally obtain her real name.

This is so awesome.

I’m sorry Joyce, but you left me with no choice.

Now let’s see…

Ah here it is!

Mizuki S. Lee.

What a wonderful name!

And no wonder she’s so beautiful!

She has Eurasian and Japanese blood!

Mother’s name: Kasumi Lee Hirano

Wow her mom’s a mixed too.

Father’s name: Richard Seras Tan

Hey this name looks familiar...

Wait a minute.

…

What?

This can’t be.

This is…

My…father’s…

Name.

“That’s right, Rickson!

She’s your sister!”

++++

Stanza Four ---------- End

Secret - Stanza Three

Secret

Stanza Three – Secret Ambition

Am I in Heaven?

Dear God, are you playing a trick on me?

Is this some supernatural tribulation I’m supposed to transcend to escape my sad lot?

Or is this a cruel joke cast upon me, an attempt to destroy the very fiber of my being?

Am I even awake?

Is this a dream?

But this feels so real!

His words, his touch, his warm embrace, his…sweet…sweet lips.

He sure lives up to his reputation.

But I still can’t believe it!

All this while I’ve only dared to dream of this remote possibility, much less entertain it.

It has always been a private affair, a forlorn reverie, my personal realm of delusion…

My secret ambition.

All my dreams have finally come to fruition, I’m glad…really, really…glad.

...

But no, we can’t be together…we can never be together.

Not with that secret…no…this can never be…it will never be…

But I want it to be like this forever!

I knew it!

This is a joke cast upon me!

Why is it always like that!

WHY!

***

Why have you evaded me till now, my little girl?

Where have you been all this while?

Although we’ve just made contact, I feel like I’ve known you for many, many years.

Okay, maybe she has been around me for the past three months, peeping at me from behind pillars and walls.

But this awesome feeling, it’s like she’s an extension of my body, the other half to complete my mortal shell.

She is The One.

But Joyce…what about her?

She has been by my side almost everyday for the past nine months, trying her best to fulfill my every desire.

And, given what has transcended last month…I guess I really do owe her something.

Can I really bring myself to do it?

But this girl in my arms right now, the feeling is just so right.

I feel like if I let go, she will disappear away into the sky, like a balloon after being pricked by a pin.

I know something for sure: I don’t want to lose her.

But I don’t want to destroy Joyce’s heart as well.

What am I to do…

***

Why is it always like this?

Why must I fly this high, only to fall so much harder…

Why am I always given false hope, drawn into phony senses of security?

Why, why, WHY?

I’m so sick of this…so tired…I feel like my breath is escaping from my lu-

Oh no.

Not now…please not at this time!

Oh god no, no, no, no, NO!

...

***

“Hey what’s wrong?! Hey! Hey!”

***

Man, that was scary.

How can someone just faint like that all of a sudden?

Did I do something wrong?

Was I pressing on her nerve or something?

I don’t think so.

So strange…

Oh the doctor’s out.

***

“Doctor! How is she?”

“She has just suffered a spontaneous attack from her pulmonary embolism condition. Luckily for her, it isn’t fatal. But I can’t guarantee she will be this lucky the next time.”

“Pulmonary embolism?”

“Basically, her pulmonary arteries, which carry blood to and fro her heart, are blocked by blood clots. She has to be careful of her own feelings and emotions, as certain things, activities or even words can have an adverse effect on her condition. She’s way too young to be going through all this…”

“…Thank you doctor, for everything.”

“It’s my job, just make sure you take care of her, young man.”

***

Pulmonary embolism?

Blocked arteries?

She’s too young to be put through this hell!

She must be taking pills day in and out, being subject to all sorts of treatments and taking every test medical science has to offer.

She’s still so young!

This is so sad!

Why must heaven play such sport on such an innocent young thing?

The world is a cruel place, and she has to go through it all alone and with her illness.

...

That does it.

I will take care of her for the rest of my life.

Someone as beautiful as her doesn’t deserve to live her painful life on her own.

I’m here for you my baby girl, I’m here for you now.

You have nothing to worry about.

...

I need some fresh air.

Hospital walls will always be this claustrophobic, no matter how flowery the wallpaper is.

Click.

***

Click.

Well, well, well.

Look what Fate has done dear Mizuki.

Steal my Rickson will you?

Ha! Heaven is fair!

Look at you now, lying on that bed, with a tube stuck into your wrist.

How sad, how very sad.

But all the better for me.

Once you are out of the way, Rickson will devote his full, undivided attention to me.

And me alone!

Ever since he started noticing you, the amount of attention he showers upon me has dropped.

And its all because of you!

You of all people! The mysterious transfer student!

Why must you barge into my perfect life!

I cannot allow it, I will not allow it.

History must never repeat itself.

…

Your IV tube…wonder what will happen if a silt accidentally appears on it?

Well for one you would forget all the pain you’re in right now, and fade away like a passing cloud.

I know its cruel, but you leave me with no choice.

What’s this?

A file?

Must be your records.

Enjoy these final moments Mizuki, I’m giving you the luxury before I end your tragic life.

Let’s see what’s ailing your petite little body.

…

What?

No, this can’t be.

Oh my god.

No, this…must be a mistake…

No it can’t be!

Oh my god.

No there’s no mistake…this name…

Oh my god.

++++

Stanza Three ---------- End

Secret - Stanza Two

Secret

Stanza Two – Secret Meeting

“So, what did you say to her?”

How can I reply to that question? How do I even attempt to answer that question?

Give an honest reply? Oh please, she’ll chew me to bits and spit out the bones.

Try to smoke out of it? Hmmm…that may work.

Give it a shot.

“Oh nothing much. Just some schoolwork and stuff.”

Hope that worked.

Sorry my dear Joyce but I have to do this.

I need to know.

* * *

Schoolwork?

With an expression like that fixed on that face of yours, you have the cheek to say ‘schoolwork’?

What do you take me for, a three year old little girl?

I could bust you right now, but I want to see what else you have up your sleeves.

I’ll believe you…for the time being.

“Oh ok! You could ask me too you know, about schoolwork!”

* * *

“I will if I need to. Thanks.”

Hmmm…I think I did it.

Awesome, I deserve an Oscar for that outstanding performance.

Right…now we wait…

* * *

Oh the anticipation is killing me!

Two more minutes to dismissal.

TWO.

You might as well call it eternity!

My heart hasn’t stopped pounding ever since he popped the question.

Meet me at the rear gate after school, okay?

Weird, I thought it sounded like…

I love you, I want to be with you forever and ever…

AH!

NO!

My imagination is running wild!

He will never go out with a girl like me…Not in a million years.

Not with my secret.

…

Damn. The truth hurts.

Then again, he has taken the first step, which means he has at least noticed me!

That’s a good start.

Where we go next, I’ll leave it to Fate.

Fate, please be merciful, please let it be true.

Just this time.

RINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!

* * *

“Alright Joyce, I’ll see you over at your place later to finish up our math homework.”

“Later? Where’re you off to now?”

“The boys need me to settle some stuff for them, I won’t be long though. You just go home first, take a shower and relax for a bit. Then when I come over we can get started right away! Sound good?”

“Hee hee! Okie dokie! I’ll see you later then, boyfriend!”

Phew. That was a close one. Once again I deserve an Oscar for that awesome feat.

Now. Time to put those nagging questions to rest.

And… why is my heart racing like a bullet train?

Am I looking forward to something?

Could it be…that I’m looking forward to meeting her?

Her…Wow.

This is a rather delayed realization: I don’t even know her name.

Good going, ‘Girl Killer’.

Tsk. I don’t even like that nickname.

Time to move.

Be still my racing heart.

* * *

Who does he intend to kid?

The boys need me to settle some stuff for them, I won’t be long though.

As if.

The ‘boys’ you’re talking about all have basketball practice today, so none of them need you to settle ‘stuff’ for them.

I bet my family’s reputation that you’re off to meet someone.

And I bet its her.

I’ll see what you’re gonna do.

And if you so much as dare to even two-time me, she’s in for it.

And I’ll make you suffer.

* * *

Where is he?

Where is he? Where is he? Where is he?

Was it all a lie? Was it a cruel joke cast upon me? Was it really a dream?

OW!

No! It’s not! It’s real! Everything’s real!

Then why has he not arrived? Why has his handsome face not appeared?

Calm down, girl, calm down.

He could be held up somewhere…probably by Joyce.

…

Or…or… one of his guy pals needed him to settle stuff for him!

Yeah that’s it! He’s helping a friend!

What a nice guy. No wonder I’m so…

He’s here!

* * *

Ah! she’s here already!

Oh that sweet, sweet face. I could look at it for hours and…

Eh? Is that possible?

Her eyes.

They’re not sad anymore.

They look…happy.

What’s this?

Why am I feeling warm all over?

Why am I getting the urge to smile?

* * *

He smiled!

He actually smiled at me!

That brilliant smile, normally unseen, is being shown to me!

I’m so glad.

* * *

Oh no. Why is she…

Why is she crying!

No, wait…she’s not really crying. Those are just tears streaming down her cheeks.

Tears of joy.

And her lips are arched into what people call…

A smile.

At last.

I’m so glad.

* * *

I’m so happy.

This has got to be the happiest day of my life.

Not only did he talk to me, he asked me out after school and he…

Smiled at me.

I feel like I can die peacefully now, having seen that radiant smile of his.

Oh the bliss, the joy, the…

“You look pretty when you smile.”

…

What?

Did he just say that to me?

OH MY!

He actually thinks I’m pretty!

Those eyes, those azure blue eyes...

I feel like I can just drown in them.

And I want to.

* * *

She has got to be the prettiest girl around school.

That face, that cute, cute face.

Why haven’t I noticed that until now?

Oh right.

She was always looking at me with those forlorn eyes, and her hair was always covering her face.

And besides, she’s always hiding behind something.

What a cute girl.

Pity you didn’t appear before Joyce, or else you’d be in her place.

My god, I can’t seem to tear away from that face, and what’s going on…my legs…they’re moving on their own!

Well, nothing bad about that.

* * *

He’s coming!

He’s coming towards me!

What am I to do?

Do I embrace him with open arms?

Or do I push him away with force?

What to do? What to do!

And be still my beating heart! Stop thrashing about like a trout on a line!

I need to think…!

Too late!

* * *

She feels so warm…so cosy…to the touch.

She smells of flowers, flowers blooming in the spring, fresh as ever.

And up close, she looks even more adorable.

Why has she evaded me till now?

Why is she still single!

Her breath on my neck…feels so…hurried, yet so…affectionate.

This feeling…is this what people call love at first sight?

This immeasurable sensation…it feels…good.

I think she’s the one, my one true love.

I have finally found you.

* * *

THIS IS NOT HAPPENING.

I’m…in…his…arms.

The one person I want to be hugged most is hugging me.

Oh. My. Goodness!

This feels so good!

It’s as though my prayers are all being answered today!

I’m so happy…I’m so glad…

His eyes, his oh so dreamy eyes…just makes me wanna…

* * *

Her eyes, her now delicate, lucid eyes…staring at me like a chipmunk…

And her lips…pursed together in this insanely tempting manner…

Just makes me lose…control…

Oh my body’s moving on its own again…

This has to stop soon…

But the destination…is…

Awesome.

* * *

Why that little…!

He really went to meet her!

First he hugged her, now he’s doing this!

THIS IS TOO MUCH!

What am I, chopped liver!

I’m your girlfriend for god’s sake!

Stupid moron! Idiot! IDIOT!

You’re gonna pay, Rickson Tan, you are so gonna pay.

And you, Mizuki, will suffer a fate worse than hell.

++++

Stanza Two ---------- End