Sweepstakes

Even now as I pour over my books, notes and notes of notes to cram in some last-minute information for tomorrow's assay, I'm preoccupied with other thoughts - some positive, a portion negative but mostly neutral and random. Sometimes I wish I had a more generic "guy's" brain: no long drawn-out thinking process, no calculation of every possible outcome along with their specific countermeasures as well as the absence of the tendency to pre-empt anything and everything. Nevertheless, some higher power has blessed me with this model of grey matter, so I've got to use it the best I can. Besides, what other choice have I got?

We should be cognizant about what is realistic, specific and measurable, in order not to step into patches of quicksand that are remorse and regret. It is alright to dream, dreams are what give you drive during your waking hours, no matter the acceleration and direction of that drive. It is however, pertinent to recognize that the importance of snapping out of a dream and dropping back into cruel reality. It won't do you any good to stay in a permanent dream, as good dreams are wont to do. The occasional daydream of the "what-ifs" are great, only if you remember to withdraw from it at the end and return yourself to the "now". It is a difficult task, yet it can be surmounted with practice, and a whole lot of discipline.

On the same note, I noticed that a lot of people around me always muse about the "what-ifs" of a given situation. They go on about if they had put in that little more effort into their project, they would have gotten a better grade, if they had woken up a little earlier they wouldn't have been late, etc. Strangely, most - if not all - of the "what-ifs" I've heard recently are always accompanied by a "little" within the same sentence. For example:

"If I had been a little more careful, I wouldn't have made that careless mistake on the exam. Damn it."

Hindsight is always better than foresight, no matter the circumstances. Plan as you may, account for errors if you must, things will still manage to go wrong. That is just the brand of irony this universe so favours. How many times have you seen cars breaking down on the most crucial of days, how many printers inexplicably failing before a major deadline or better yet, the absence of a taxicab when you desperately need one? I've been on the receiving end of that too many times, seeing the comprehensive planning disintegrate before my eyes because of a freak incident or an event which evaded my predictive radar. Now, I still plan a lot, but allow room for these "eventualities", as I feel that if you prepare for their existence, you are prepared for them even if you cannot have prepared for them. :D

So to the people around me fretting or fussing over their own planning/coordinating commitments, take a step back, observe the situation, take in the current process and allow yourself space to breathe. Even if things do go awry, at least your highly detailed and comprehensive plan will be able to project a professional image to whichever audience you're targeting, even if a war is raging backstage.

It could be time, or it could be the happenings in my life, but the feeling is dissipating, albeit at the pace of a snail drenched in peanut butter circumnavigating a spherical minefield dispersed in a beta pattern. Despite that, deep down, I still wish for her to drop me a message, to wish me good luck for my paper tomorrow.

What wishful thinking, she probably forgot all about it.

In the sweepstakes of life, my coupon has yet to be drawn.

Feed the fish kids. :)