End of the Line

I must have did something wrong in my past life, to go through this tumultuous mess right now, probably allowed a basket of kittens to be run over by a ten-wheeler or something. It could also be merely circumstantial - things are happening the way they are due to the accumulation of a myriad of different factors encompassing a whole spectrum of situational conditions and environmental concerns. Regardless, the matter is evident at this point in time, and like a pus-filled tumor, might just explode at the slightest prod, saturating the area with its toxic fallout.

As a general rule, we are all victims of circumstance. Who can proudly say that he/she is who he/she is because he/she wanted it? None, because everyone is moulded by their own individualistic experiences, the building blocks of your character, your personality - what makes you who you are. Like people, happenings in life go through this process, nothing is smooth sailing, rarely will things follow a straight line.

I was naive to think that it will.

As the negatives continue to pile up with no slight, even remote, positive in sight, my thread is wearing thin. Our publics - both internal and external - are getting angsty and upset, and for good reason. Honestly speaking, we expanded too much too fast, didn't calculate the logistical concerns for such a massive undertaking. We also overlooked an important factor: the functional publics.

Even if we're doing this activity out of our passion for the sport, that passion will burn out, even if you are a ultra-enthusiastic, all hyped-up practitioner. Running chaotic civil wars week after week tend to grind away at your passion, patience, and then your temper, and doing so WITHOUT any form of visible return just accelerates the inevitable process. Underlying issues now find themselves floating to the top of the agenda, and eventualities predicted have begun to manifest themselves. On top of all those, the parent organisation just switched hands, effectively ending the relatively hassle-free venue system we previously enjoyed.

It is not that I don't want to do anything, it is just that there is simply nothing that can be done at this point in time. The primary, crucial concerns have been highlighted to the higher-ups many, many times, but there is little they too can do. If the main organisation's goal is profit-oriented, logically speaking, the activities going down the flowchart would be revenue-based as well, which is the case right now. All of the ideas being thrown around right now to resolve this issue sound good, practical, but is the result worth it?

Sadly, it probably is. We are still too young to be less selfish.

I will hang back and let you guys settle this mess the way you want to, observing the process, anticipating the outcome. If you guys manage to calm the storm, good for you, all of us can continue with the new status quo. If nothing is changed even by your hands, I will do something, provided my motivation is still intact.

My thread is at its end, and there is no spool to reel it in.

I am really spent.

Maybe its time to head back into my own little bubble, where everything is perfect.

What a wish.