Team Players
The following is a non-exhaustive list of personality types that characterize an individual’s team performance. Some individuals may be a combination of two or more types. This is only a guide, and individual results may vary upon comparison.
Worker Bee
Description: The best team mate to have in a group. Does his assigned work diligently and seldom with complaints. Submits said work in advance most of the time. Tend to suffer when presenting arguments or doing pitches, which can be circumvented with practice.
Countermeasure: Why do you want to counter such a gem?
Intrepid Hero
Description: Good leadership qualities coupled with good interpersonal skills make this team member an invaluable asset. Will be the liaison between the group and authority, and will take initiative to seek out the best deals for the team. May be overcome with arrogance if not careful.
Countermeasure: Keep him in check, and do not let his own ideas go to his head.
Houdini
Description: Team member who mysteriously vanishes from the face of the earth, usually during crucial times. Unable to reach during said emergencies as all communicative devices and outlets will be severed from the source. Usually reappears in the nick of time or after the deadline.
Countermeasure: Keep track of his movements, and obtain proof of his performance. During critical periods, monitor his activity closer, make him stay with the group to complete his task, or threaten using lethal force. Tie to a leash if necessary.
Drifter
Description: Team member who moves away from the main discussion. Usually goes from the discussed topic to another topic of an alternate interest, like dinner. Severe cases may have multiple occurrences during a single meeting. Drifting is contagious.
Countermeasure: Keep him focused on the task at hand. Silence any semblance of drifting at the first opportunity with authority. Use force when necessary.
Sleeper
Description: Team member who sleeps, literally, at any meeting place under any circumstance. Sleep periods range from a few minutes to multiple hours. During said sleep periods, he is close to impossible to wake up unless sufficient force is applied. Extreme cases may have snoring instances and sleep talking occurrences attached.
Countermeasure: Ensure sleeper has something to do. If he nods off to dreamland, wake him up at the first opportunity. Apply force as needed. Specialised waking tools recommended.
Nocturnal
Description: Team member who frequently hands in assigned work in the wee hours of the morning. Typically turns in work between 1am to 7am, regardless of deadlines or interests of other team members. Can usually be found with numerous excuses for their lateness, citing family issues, health problems or equipment malfunction.
Countermeasure: Force him to submit work before stipulated time, else face dire ramifications. Blackmail if necessary, and keep proof of his lateness for future consideration.
Glutton
Description: Team member who self-imposes a break, usually lunch, on himself and returns hours later. Breaks can range from 2 to 4 hours. Often cites long queues and convenient accidents as excuses. Communication efforts to locate him also curiously come up to a brick wall.
Countermeasure: Attach another team member to follow him for breaks, and have both of them return at a stipulated time. Exercise caution: gluttony is contagious. Bombard with communication efforts or send out a search party if necessary.
Bootlicker
Description: Team member who agrees with everything and anything that is being said, even if the subject matter is totally irrelevant or impractical. Does not seem to possess a mind of his own, let alone opinion. Will change his mind at every turn, or when a new fact that is of general or major consensus appears.
Countermeasure: Shut him up. Seal his vocal canal if necessary.
Opposition Party
Description: Team member who is the opposite of a Bootlicker, and disagrees with anything that the team leader or majority of the team members put forth. Finds fault with everyone at every turn. Can be an utter annoyance. Similar to Bootlickers, he has no mind of his own, although he possesses limited opinion.
Countermeasure: As with Bootlickers, the best way to counter is to shut him up and do not be affected by his words.
Laggard
Description: Team member who is slow to comprehend and understand facts presented during a discussion. Limited sentience present, facts have to be slowly brought across to him in a slow, child-like fashion. Frustration and anger will follow in most cases. Usually performs to standard provided that standard has been thoroughly explained in detail.
Countermeasure: No known countermeasure, explain slowly at the expense of your temper.
Nazi
Description: Team member who refuses to accept any other idea other than his own. Usually subsists in leaders. Tends to think of all other ideas as inferior, and will try ways and means to impose his will upon the group. May use force to get his way.
Countermeasure: Make him see the error of his ways by showing him the impracticality of his idea through examples. Consult authority if needed, or threaten with lethal force.
Hider
Description: Team member who blends in with the scenery using a laptop to shield his presence from the group. Appears to be furiously typing away on his laptop, but in actuality he is surfing the net, playing a game or chatting on MSN. Disregards whatever has been said during the meeting and usually requires guidance when performing his bit of the work.
Countermeasure: Use physical force to bring him back into reality. Slam down laptop cover or yank off power adaptor. More subtle means include emailing him and approaching him on MSN even if he is within close proximity.
Gangster
Description: Team member who uses threats of violence to worm out of work assignments. Usually applies such duress in crucial times. May cite stress and personal problems as reasons for non-commitment. More often than not, the threats are usually empty.
Countermeasure: Be firm, counter-threaten with force or authority if necessary.
Puppet Master
Description: Team member excelling at personnel manipulation. Often gets others to perform his tasks. Victims are usually Worker Bees. May use force, threats of force, favours, sweet talk, or monetary consideration to get their way. Often slips by undetected by the team leader. May edit done work to pass off as his own.
Countermeasure: Warn group of consequences prior to beginning of project, and constantly monitor and check turned in work for crass similarities.
Copycat
Description: Team member who is exceptionally lazy and copies and pastes whole chunks of information from a website without proper paraphrasing or referencing. Source is usually Wikipedia or any encyclopedia websites. Extreme cases may have plagiarized portions still in their original forms in terms of text style, font and size.
Countermeasure: Assign work like research that can only be done through print media. Minimise or totally exclude the assignment of online work.
Overlord
The following is a non-exhaustive list of personality types that characterize an individual’s team performance. Some individuals may be a combination of two or more types. This is only a guide, and individual results may vary upon comparison.
Worker Bee
Description: The best team mate to have in a group. Does his assigned work diligently and seldom with complaints. Submits said work in advance most of the time. Tend to suffer when presenting arguments or doing pitches, which can be circumvented with practice.
Countermeasure: Why do you want to counter such a gem?
Intrepid Hero
Description: Good leadership qualities coupled with good interpersonal skills make this team member an invaluable asset. Will be the liaison between the group and authority, and will take initiative to seek out the best deals for the team. May be overcome with arrogance if not careful.
Countermeasure: Keep him in check, and do not let his own ideas go to his head.
Houdini
Description: Team member who mysteriously vanishes from the face of the earth, usually during crucial times. Unable to reach during said emergencies as all communicative devices and outlets will be severed from the source. Usually reappears in the nick of time or after the deadline.
Countermeasure: Keep track of his movements, and obtain proof of his performance. During critical periods, monitor his activity closer, make him stay with the group to complete his task, or threaten using lethal force. Tie to a leash if necessary.
Drifter
Description: Team member who moves away from the main discussion. Usually goes from the discussed topic to another topic of an alternate interest, like dinner. Severe cases may have multiple occurrences during a single meeting. Drifting is contagious.
Countermeasure: Keep him focused on the task at hand. Silence any semblance of drifting at the first opportunity with authority. Use force when necessary.
Sleeper
Description: Team member who sleeps, literally, at any meeting place under any circumstance. Sleep periods range from a few minutes to multiple hours. During said sleep periods, he is close to impossible to wake up unless sufficient force is applied. Extreme cases may have snoring instances and sleep talking occurrences attached.
Countermeasure: Ensure sleeper has something to do. If he nods off to dreamland, wake him up at the first opportunity. Apply force as needed. Specialised waking tools recommended.
Nocturnal
Description: Team member who frequently hands in assigned work in the wee hours of the morning. Typically turns in work between 1am to 7am, regardless of deadlines or interests of other team members. Can usually be found with numerous excuses for their lateness, citing family issues, health problems or equipment malfunction.
Countermeasure: Force him to submit work before stipulated time, else face dire ramifications. Blackmail if necessary, and keep proof of his lateness for future consideration.
Glutton
Description: Team member who self-imposes a break, usually lunch, on himself and returns hours later. Breaks can range from 2 to 4 hours. Often cites long queues and convenient accidents as excuses. Communication efforts to locate him also curiously come up to a brick wall.
Countermeasure: Attach another team member to follow him for breaks, and have both of them return at a stipulated time. Exercise caution: gluttony is contagious. Bombard with communication efforts or send out a search party if necessary.
Bootlicker
Description: Team member who agrees with everything and anything that is being said, even if the subject matter is totally irrelevant or impractical. Does not seem to possess a mind of his own, let alone opinion. Will change his mind at every turn, or when a new fact that is of general or major consensus appears.
Countermeasure: Shut him up. Seal his vocal canal if necessary.
Opposition Party
Description: Team member who is the opposite of a Bootlicker, and disagrees with anything that the team leader or majority of the team members put forth. Finds fault with everyone at every turn. Can be an utter annoyance. Similar to Bootlickers, he has no mind of his own, although he possesses limited opinion.
Countermeasure: As with Bootlickers, the best way to counter is to shut him up and do not be affected by his words.
Laggard
Description: Team member who is slow to comprehend and understand facts presented during a discussion. Limited sentience present, facts have to be slowly brought across to him in a slow, child-like fashion. Frustration and anger will follow in most cases. Usually performs to standard provided that standard has been thoroughly explained in detail.
Countermeasure: No known countermeasure, explain slowly at the expense of your temper.
Nazi
Description: Team member who refuses to accept any other idea other than his own. Usually subsists in leaders. Tends to think of all other ideas as inferior, and will try ways and means to impose his will upon the group. May use force to get his way.
Countermeasure: Make him see the error of his ways by showing him the impracticality of his idea through examples. Consult authority if needed, or threaten with lethal force.
Hider
Description: Team member who blends in with the scenery using a laptop to shield his presence from the group. Appears to be furiously typing away on his laptop, but in actuality he is surfing the net, playing a game or chatting on MSN. Disregards whatever has been said during the meeting and usually requires guidance when performing his bit of the work.
Countermeasure: Use physical force to bring him back into reality. Slam down laptop cover or yank off power adaptor. More subtle means include emailing him and approaching him on MSN even if he is within close proximity.
Gangster
Description: Team member who uses threats of violence to worm out of work assignments. Usually applies such duress in crucial times. May cite stress and personal problems as reasons for non-commitment. More often than not, the threats are usually empty.
Countermeasure: Be firm, counter-threaten with force or authority if necessary.
Puppet Master
Description: Team member excelling at personnel manipulation. Often gets others to perform his tasks. Victims are usually Worker Bees. May use force, threats of force, favours, sweet talk, or monetary consideration to get their way. Often slips by undetected by the team leader. May edit done work to pass off as his own.
Countermeasure: Warn group of consequences prior to beginning of project, and constantly monitor and check turned in work for crass similarities.
Copycat
Description: Team member who is exceptionally lazy and copies and pastes whole chunks of information from a website without proper paraphrasing or referencing. Source is usually Wikipedia or any encyclopedia websites. Extreme cases may have plagiarized portions still in their original forms in terms of text style, font and size.
Countermeasure: Assign work like research that can only be done through print media. Minimise or totally exclude the assignment of online work.
Overlord
Description: Team member, usually leader, who is extremely domineering and most often possess a superiority complex. Usually moves around the group getting people to do stuff, while not doing anything himself. In short: all talk and no action. Tend to be loud and boisterous in an attempt to instill fear in the other team members. May turn violent if his instructions fall on deaf ears.
Countermeasure: Do not give in to his threats, reason with him and threaten to go on strike if needed. Get the support of the other team members and organise an efficient strike force against the oppressor.
Disclaimer: This does not represent the interests of any authority related to me, and it purely a leisurely pursuit of my literary interests as well as for entertainment. Parental guidance advised.
Disclaimer: This does not represent the interests of any authority related to me, and it purely a leisurely pursuit of my literary interests as well as for entertainment. Parental guidance advised.
1 comment:
Well written article.
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