Time is Life's Panadol

I'm sure I've said this plenty of times before - to friends around me, to family members and also to myself - that time will heal all wounds, that nature will run its course and that the universe will continue expanding, or somewhere along those lines.

The gist of it however, is that no matter how damaging something might have been to you, after a sufficient period of time, it will fade into your consciousness. Mind you, it's still present, just that it is now concealed under days and weeks and months of other events. Bad experiences are like scars: they remain with you forever, but can be hidden from view. So by that theory, given a long enough length of time, even the most devastating episodes can be tucked away into a lonely, dark corner of your psyche.

I think not.

Even if time manages to push these negativities to some other unused areas of the brain, buried under layers of good memories and distractions, bits and pieces of the bad stuff will still manage to seep through. Every now and then, an "attack" will occur, plunging the brain into a state of emotional alarm, as if it is back during those dark days it worked so hard to suppress. Bodily functions are affected, as are emotional interactions, and such behavior can last for days on end, giving others the impression that you are "emo". Indeed, when such assaults assail the mind on top of your other commitments, the stress can get too much, and it shows on your physical, fragile, frame.

Such is the cruelty of Life.

I now know with a 95% confidence level that you do not feel the same way, despite all the fruitless hope and pointless contemplation. The Predictor had painted this picture, but I did not want to accept it as the gospel. No matter, the Prediction has come to pass, and I am thus forced to bear the ramifications of my strategic inaction.

The time has come, for Time to do its miserable work.

Again.

Feed the fishes guys. :)

The Prophecy of Regret

It is times like this that make me question the wisdom of my actions, to contemplate that path not taken, to look back and think:"Hmm, I probably shouldn't have done that". Life is simply too short to have regrets, but even if a structural framework is in place, gaps will still exist.

Even now, the yearning, the pining, the hoping is ceaseless, although the severity has lessened somewhat. The threshold was crossed, but nothing was changed. Perhaps it is time for more overt measures, enough of the subterfuge.

One way or another, you have to know.

Time to do some revision for next week, feed the fish kids. :)

Befuddled Emotions, Frazzled Feelings

Our very first Nerf Blaster "lesson" just ended, and all I can say is, it was absolute chaos. Try as we might, there were just too many people for us to handle, and their myriad of age ranges just compounded the problem, not factoring in the typical "kiasu" and "understandably upset" parental figures. No matter, we'll probably do better next week, after segregating the two main age groups into their own warzones.

The following portion is dedicated to my lovable colleagues who made the past five months more bearable with their quirks and antics, so pardon me if you (my other readers) cannot find links to the references I use. Without further ado, here goes.

A tsunami of emotion crashed into every fiber of my being as I walked into the office today, almost the same feeling that came over me as I walked out the back door of CS CDC about ten months ago.

The Cat and Tig weren't there at their usual places when I walked in, always ready to greet me with a drowsy "Morning~"

I reluctantly moved my personal belongings over as the minutes ticked off, passing the time when Pancake would walk in with her headphones and wave me a greeting, and then past the period where Cucumber and No. 1 GDGD would lazily trudge into the Medical Park and aggravate the Cat and Tig, resulting in some early morning laughter.

The Coin and the Running Nazi would then appear, and float past the Gloomy Room's door as they entered their own room. Mr. Soh would then stomp in behind them, earphones in and with a lethargic expression on his face. At 8.30AM, the Bigbang Fan would trot in cheerfully, and as I moved the last pen over, I looked at the Gloomy Room.

Empty.

At this time, Miss Sleuth would stomp into the Room, nod me a greeting with music blasting out of her headphones. The Tengster would come in a while later with the Claud, arguing with each other over some random matter or just gossiping about something or other. The Salty Couple would then make a grand entrance, and HX would switch on the fan and stand in front of it as though she's filming a music video, while the guy retreats to his seat and starts up his computer, sometimes in a daze from the lack of sleep. Finally, the Partner would run in and start to apologise profusely for her lateness, and automatically surrender 20 cents into the Nugget Fund as part of the Room's contractual agreement.

None of that happened today.

Instead, I was greeted by Joyson's mom in the morning, and later by the Kong - basic, familiar, yet missing something. Perhaps it is habit, since I had been watching the abovementioned scene unfold every workday for the past five months, a rather long time by any measure. I am one who prefers familiarity to novelty, and indeed I got used to the kids around me, screaming, laughing and generally just being themselves. Perhaps I had gotten too used to them, resulting in this strange sense of longing and nostalgia this morning. I admit, things were more exciting with them around, lessening the mundane rigidity of the work we were hired to do. Alas, all good things come to an end, and yesterday was that final period in their chapter.

May good luck guide your paths. :)

As the curtains drew to a close, certain emotions refused to leave, remaining confused, unsure. Furthermore, after what transpired last night, those same emotions strengthened their resolve to overstay their welcome, when it was high time for them to start leaving. Occasionally, I question my actions, and yesterday was one such time, but your reaction only transformed a quadratic equation to a bilinear integration problem. Perhaps you really do know me, or perhaps our paths were meant to diverge from the beginning. One thing however, is concrete.

Your actions paint a vivid yet ambiguous story.

Now I fully understand the meaning of "being too nice": suspension in a stateless limbo.

Feed the fish guys, before they die of sorrow. XD

What Goes Around, Comes Around

My sister told me today that the particular someone from a dark period in my life had just ended her bond with the third variable in the equation. I shouldn't really care, but it just sparked something within my neural databanks, something Mr. A said to me when I gave it up and let her go.

"I will not falter," that's what he said. Look where you are now.

So I suppose it can be concluded that the problem didn't lie with me - it had always been on her side of the bridge. Now, I'm not gonna be a kitchen sinker and regurgitate all the negativities accumulated, I'm just going to be objective, in a to-verb form and that is specific, measurable and timebound.

You are just too difficult to co-exist with, even with decades of time.

I went through your professional blog earlier, and I'm appalled that even after all these years in SMU, your command of the English language only improved slightly. You didn't striked someone, you struck him. All the money that goes into your tuition fees and your linguistic skill still remains stagnant and unchanging? Speaks volumes.

Sure, we shared some good times, but you are still the one who forged the quagmire of darkness that exists to this day, and that is something I deeply resent. Nevertheless, that is all in the past, and I hope that you find someone with the ability to tolerate your many Mordorian idiosyncrasies.

At least for a longer time than the last one.

Feed the fish kids!