Days of Present Past

It has been:

• 18 days since we clarified each other's doubts
• 17 days since I first held your hand in mine
• 16 days since we had our first long walk
• 15 days since I gazed longingly at you from afar
• 14 days since we wished together for time to pass faster
• 13 days since I kept you occupied even while I was not in your immediate vicinity
• 14 days since we had our first Official Date 
• 13 days since we had our second long walk
• 12 days since we watched a movie with your hand in mine
• 11 days since I began to worry for your illness
• 10 days since I begun to miss you every minute of the day
• 9 days since our first early morning weekend breakfast
• 8 days since my heavy sweetness assaults
• 7 days since we had our first spontaneous meet up
• 6 days since we had a rare private meal
• 5 days since we edged each other on
• 4 days since our third long walk
• 3 days since our first group movie together
• 2 days since our second early morning weekend breakfast
• 1 day since our first ad-hoc weekday date

It seems like I've known you for an eternity and even that is not enough.

May we have more of such days as time presses inexorably forward.

For this is the way it should have been.

Always.

Promise

The mysterious hand of Fate has opened to me a new chapter in life.

A chapter that has begun with an impeccably smooth prologue, flawlessly segueing into the first Act, with the opening paragraph a testament to the natural beauty that transcends the physical universe, a photorealistic painting of a dreamscape that can only be penned in the handwriting of God.

And it has only just begun.

For so long I have searched, it has finally ended.

For so long I have sought, I have to seek no more.

For so long I have hoped, my faith has been rewarded.

The machinations of fate have wrought a convoluted path, twisting paths paired with perilous turns, forcing me through cycle after cycle of the same emotional tribulation. My heart broke once, twice, until it cannot be broken any further.

Or so I thought.

Seeing you trapped in your own quagmire of despair, observing you struggling from the pits of damnation you yourself have condemned yourself to, my heart broke for the third and last time.

And it was not even whole to start with.

I thought my heart was shattered, pulverized, galvanized against further heartbreak.

I was wrong.

I thought I had completely lost faith in the institution I once held most dear.

I was wrong.

I thought that I had once again misunderstood the rudimentary feelings that stemmed from such an intimate but platonic association.

Turns out we both were wrong.

Finding someone who shares many interests with you is uphill enough, let alone finding another human being that is a near exact copy. The coincidences are uncanny, the similarities are astounding. I once thought we could find similarities in our differences, but now I realized that it is much easier to find differences in similarities. 

After all, birds of a feather flock together.

This is how it should have been since the beginning. This is how a union should have been since its establishment. This is how two people sharing an innate and instrumental mental connection should function.

The output must be squared, not paired.

For so long, I have made the decision to be beneath the person I cared for, to be secondary to all her interests, to essentially be a slave to her every whim. I assumed that my actions will be reciprocated, my feelings will be returned and my efforts will pay off.

Never have I been so wrong.

Now, things are different. We walk the same path together, in the same position, in step. We are no longer in different places at the same time, neither are we veering off from the same path as we advance forward. At last, for the first time in my existence, I have found the bolt who would accept this nut.

The harbor to my battleship.

The hangar to my plane.

The yin to my yang.

The Player 2 to my Player 1.

I rescued you from the depths of your emotions, sheltered you from the attacking hordes as we fled to safety, and finally told you as we emerged out into the open, out in the free:

 “Hey, the world is not so scary after all, right?”

My shattered heart would remain shattered, but you will be the adhesive to piece back the remnants together.

Better still, why don’t you be my new heart?

I have come too far now to turn back, to step back. I will never ever let you go.

Because you have become the most precious thing in my life now.

My bao bei.

And no matter what happens, I will never forsake you.

That is a promise I made to myself.

A promise that I will keep.

Always.

Fate works in mysterious but meaningful ways

A saying goes that you find treasure in the least likely of places, locations that didn't cross your mind, venues that didn't show the slightest hint of their hidden content. The same goes for people, the companions you hold most dear. They may come from myriad backgrounds, possess different qualifications and are composed of a kaleidoscope of personalities and characters, but at the end of the day, all of you are united by a single thinking - a hive mind, of sorts.

Finding someone who can tolerate your plethora of idiosyncratic nuances and habits is difficult enough, and seeking one that is similar to you in more than one way is almost tantamount to an act of God and the temptation of fate. I always had this thinking, that one fine day in my sorrowful future, someone whom I can click with - or in Pacific Rim parlance, drift with - will appear in the motion capture rig to my left, calibrating the left hemisphere before confirming the neural handshake in a samurai salute.

I don't have to fight my monsters alone anymore.

I will demonstrate my resolve and hope that yours will hold too, as we battle our demons together in the body of our giant machine.   

Feed the fish!